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[gypsy_merrique]

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And so it was, after the ritual which would ultimately leave Merrique afraid of blood for much of her adult life, the girl became an entirely different person. She did well in her studies of the gypsy magic, perhaps even excelled in it. The elder women of the camp in which Merrique was raised did everything they thought possible to draw the girl out of the place in her mind where the shadows were drawn long and in stark contrast.

As time rolled by, Merrique became a hostile and bitter young woman, often running her mouth about how she hated a twin she never knew. Some thought perhaps it was misplaced aggression toward the person who had caused so much havoc in her life, some simply thought she was losing her grip on reality.

It was promiscuity that eventually got Merri in trouble with the camp. Merrique was often seen in the company of strange, non-gypsy men, working her charms on the hapless males who encountered her in taverns, at inns, reveling at festivals--when she should have been at the camp pulling her own weight. It was rumored that she may even use her pretty face and bedroom prowess to command material benefit. At no point did any of the other gypsies stop and think that perhaps Merrique was on a self destructive path brought on by the trauma she'd suffered. Nobody realized that perhaps, somehow, in the arms of these strangers Merrique was seeking validation, approval, power, and possibly even some type of revenge against men in general.

Regardless of Merrique's motivations or material gain, it came to pass that there was too much unrest among the members of the camp to ignore it any longer. With a kind but firm demeanor the 'queen' took her aside and laid down the law: change or leave.

Merrique was furious that anybody scrutinize her to such a degree, no less put out an ultimatum. Harsh words were exchanged. In a fit of anger Merrique packed her belongings into a couple of backpacks and set off to pursue whatever life had to offer her. The last thing she heard was the elder wise-woman begging Merrique to stop, to THINK.

After her departure from the camp, it was not uncommon for Merrique to lay in the bed of an inn, the night's lover spent or gone, thinking about how things might have been. These thoughts invariably lead to angry feelings and thoughts, and quick self-justifications for her own behavior. Without realizing it, she was doing her best to blot out what had happened with Carlo.

Without realizing it, she perpetuated her own private hell.
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. . . But the dark is very trustworthy.
It's always as dark as you thought it was.
And you don't have to work at staying there.
All you have to do is survive it.
And I've been doing that forever.
from the novel "Dark Debts" by Karen Hall