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[Bailos]

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Greetings Atlantic Community,

And so a new year is upon is us. The ARPC adds another tally to its age, everyone screws up there checks for a few weeks and life goes on. Like many people, I often find myself mixing my emotions to begin a new year. On one hand, I am optimsitic and wide-eyed as I look forward to what a new year will hold for me. New opportunities, new people, new adventures and new and challenging decisions in my personal and professional life. The other half of me looks back in a state of reflections...feeling analytical about how I handled the last year and the time leading up to it. Not necessarily regretful but certainly considerate. Today I write you as both of those halves.

In addition to the mental state I write with there is also the personality I bring behind it. I am a long time veteran of this game and while I have not played in a very long time I did spent nearly a decade with an active subscription. I started the game as a standard player with some real life friends but I quickly chose the option of roleplaying and enjoyed just about every day of it. Many of you who know me as a roleplayer hopefully have good impressions of my ability and my passion but I cannot say with any degree of certainty. I strove to build a character worthy of remembering with a contiguous history. I did what I could to evolve him and contribute where and when appropriate. Then there are those of you who know me personally. I did my best to be a compromiser but I often found myself enjoying the benefits of leadership and getting stuck between policy and people. I'm sure I had just as many chances to come across as ambitious and a hard-liner. As many people as I extended my hand to in friendship there were likely just as many toes I stepped on.

And like everyone my age (at the time), especially on the internet, I usually had an inflated sense of self worth and importance. We're pretty much all guilty of this but it usually requires reflection to recognize, understandably, and that was me for a long time. But enough about the way back and what about more recent history? Well I certainly didn't end my tenure in UO the same way I started it, which was the plan, but I had no clue it would finish how it did. With hindsight, I am very disappointed with how I handled myself. Some of you who know me on a more personal level know I was in a pretty awful accident a couple years ago and the person who was in that accident never got out; a new me emerged but not for the better. Like many victims of drunk driving I had an assortment of emotional problems but I also got to keep a few physical issues. I became more bitter for having gone through that. I've always been pragmatic and 'slightly' cynical but it was in full force at this time. I became a lot more selfish and a lot less careful to protect the whole. In the process, I let a lot of people down and at the time I didn't mind because I felt like I was owed and I had been let down. An eye for an eye if you will.

Who was let down and how I let them down is a distinctly different issue and not eligible for discussion but what is important is that by the time my bitterness and selfishness had run its full course I had succeeded in ruining what support structure I had left. To use an analogy, what was once a beautiful home had been handily reduced to smoking ruins and a cracked foundation. People could tell it used to be a house but everyone who took a look had no trouble noticing the extent of the damage done.

Unsure of what had happened and clinging to the last ties I had left (in almost all aspects of my life), a friend stepped in and helped to show me just what awful decisions I had made and how the consequences had manifested themselves, exactly like I had been 'begging' them to.

Of course this was probably a year too late for me in UO but my online life is a lot easier to declare dead than the real me. It took me months and months to rebuild my life and while I feel like I have on this day, I might be a little pre-mature in this assessment. That's ok, I'm going to take that little victory.

So what is the moral of this wordy tale? Well I looked back and read Greypawn's goodbye message and it set my wheels in motion. There is a man who can look back at his work and contributions and feel and see the results for the better. There was a time when I could say that too. There was a time when I could have been missed by many and hung my hat up for good finally proud of the efforts I had made and the fruit I had yielded. But instead, through bitterness, uncooperativeness, selfishness, unwillingness to compromise and occasionally being a dense jerk...I was left with nothing but the items in my bank.

Through my own actions and choices, I was only able to count the goodbyes I received on one hand. No heartfelt send off threads, no passing on of items, materials and other pixel related fanfare. No quiet procession into the sunset. Just hitting the "Cancel Subscription" box and retiring into obscurity mostly because no one cared to see any more of me any time in the near future.

So this post isn't me asking to make up for any of these things. No, that couldn't be further from my goal. Instead this is a post asking you to learn from my hubris and my mistakes. To take the example I laid before you...of a man who did (almost all of) the right things and then flushed it away for all the wrong reasons to all the wrong people.

Your selfishness, cynicism and and inconsiderations do hurt other people and by extension you hurt everything you do and everything you've done. And by extension to that, you harm everything this community does and has done. Do not cheapen your experience or the experience of others but instead work to temper them for the better. Do good things and do them for the right reasons. Charity wont exonnerate you but you can do many things for the positive right here and now. Lend a hand, answers questions, teach what you know, be respectful, cooperate and learn to listen.

This community has survived for years off the good sweat and efforts of an ever shrinking group of people, many of which are more old and tired than they probably care to admit. Step into your own and do what we should all strive to do. Leave the community in a better state than you found it. Take that simple statement and expand it up, and expand it down.

There is a tongue-in-cheek, Dawrin-esque phrase that I have seen on posters before and it feels strangely appropriate for the last couple years of my UO-life. "Some people exist only to serve as a warning to others." While I wouldn't presume to be so morbid, I do hope that there is something for each of you to take from my experience.

I wish you all the best in this new year. Do what you can to leave 2011 a better year than when you found it.

[Joanna Weaver]

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Ahh Bailos. You know I love you. I still have a Bailos Statue (somewhere in my house).

You have never wronged me, you have only ever been a good role-model and supportive friend. I can't speak for anyone else, obviously, but I can speak of my interactions and friendship with you. You have always seemed reasonable and mature. I know it was a bit rough last year, but I understand you are still coming to grips. If I had thought you were truly quitting, I would have written a good bye post for you. However, I like to live in a bubble of wishful thinking, and so I always hope my friends will return.

If there is anything I can pass on that I have personally learned and come to accept this year, it is that:

Life is a work in progress.

As usual, you worded things perfectly.
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"Art and architecture must combine to create something larger than either." ~ Robert Campbell

[Starfire]

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*touches fingertips to her lips and touches his cheek, smiling softly*
I have nothing but great fondness for you Bailos, and never consider you gone. I am here if you ever need me.
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aka: Tatiana Thorn nee Alexi; Summer Kane; Ivory Skyfire; and others

[Molly]

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Alright now...what is this nonsence? You are a premier rper in the history of UO. If you are leaving then leave with your head held high. We all have our days and our issues and friends are forgiving of indiscressions or they are not your friends at all. You will always be my friend. I hope one day you will come back and you can count on me to be there waiting for you.

*hugs*
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Grand Duchess Molly Kaldhel
Oracle of Truth
The House Gauntlet
Sanctus, Luna, Malas
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xXoGDbJ5nLU
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"In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman."
-Margaret Thatcher-

[Ditto Armunn]

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Though I haven't been around for a couple of years, my memories of the experiences we shared, rp & ooc remain clear. You've taught me much. I've had a great deal of fun & excitement because of you. You never ceased to entertain me, whether it was in the rare "silly" Ditto moments or in the more serious ones. You will be missed, my friend.

*Warm Hugs*
Ody
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The Dark Lady, Ditto Armunn, D|O -(hawk# 232286048 )
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Quote: "Oh Great! First I get stabbed and now I'm bleeding!" - Ditto
[quote="Tarothin Armunn"]I know and I have mood swings like a pregnant woman at times. :/ I'm very random.[/quote]

[Thraxas]

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Bailos, I remember our RP and the story collaboration... great memories indeed. I did not know about the accident or why you left the game so suddenly (except for the Fibromyalgia), but, like Joanna, I figured/hoped the exit would only be temporary. If you are not returning to the game, I want you to know that I truly enjoyed the RP we had. I wish you well my friend. Take care and do not be a stranger around here.
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"If a criminal has what you want, you do business with him."