Blind Man’s Outlook, Volume The Second
From Atlantic Roleplay Wiki
Title: Blind Man's Outlook, Volume the Second
Author: Britannia's Finest
Contents
Fashion Death........2
Tragic Fall............8
Get Rich Quick.......13
Advice From the Unhinged.............26
GreyPawn Maims Seven in Tragic Fashion Show
by Doctor "Doc." Frank
GreyPawn, famous Council of Mages leader, maimed seven judges today in the Britian fashion show. Witnesses say that GreyPawn was bowing to the judges in the "most original headdress" competition, when suddenly, from behind, a man bearing the True Britannians' insignia placed a boot firmly in between the sage's buttocks. GreyPawn fell into the judge's bench, but, before the True Britannian could follow up his initial attack, seven shadowlords burst in, yelling "Por Corp Wis." One of them accidentally struck Boris the town guard, and boy, did he regret his actions. All the judges were reported as having been "owned" by the local healer.
Little Jamie Falls Into the Stairs
by Nilrea
It was 12:30 AM when the first screams rang out into the night. As neighbors of "Misty's Vendor Tower" rushed over to see what was the matter, none of them were prepared for the sight that awaited them.
Standing at the first landing of stairs, Miss Misty was wailing and pointing at a patch of stone screaming "MY BABY! MY BABY!". The neighbors, in a show of cooperation and respect, promptly killed each other in a massive Order/Chaos war. Two hours later, Little Baby Jamie died, encased in the tower she loved, while her mother remained 254 in the queue.
You Too Can Be A Millionaire!
by O. Mandelstam
Yes friends, I, the humble merchant Osip, have discovered the secret to untold riches. The key, as always in life, is to observe what works and simply rip it off. Perhaps you know my friend Galena the hairstylist, the inventor of neon hair dye. A simple innovation, but it has made her so wealthy that she now refers to the Nujelm Palace as "cramped." Now, let's look at what has made this little bottle so successful:
1. There aren't many around
2. When you have it, everyone can tell
3. It makes you look like a total ass
I believe this last point is the most important, as status seekers seem to go to great lengths to make themselves appear foolish (see pheonix armor.) So, with this in mind, I have some suggestions for you, the future inventors of Britannia, on sure-fire ways to make heaps of gold.
Beanies: Simply attach a propellor to a skullcap. Be sure to keep a few "true black" beanies in stock for preferred customers.
Wax Lips: Just melt a bit of beezwax, mix with bloodmoss, and mold in the shape of enormous lips. This has the added benefit of forcing the user to shut up.
Eyebrow Earrings: This one is great, but requires a bit of salesmanship. Just find some earrings, call them "special", and convince your mark...er, customer that they would look great stuck through their eyebrow.
Plate-sized belt buckles: Get your favorite tinker to cut some pewter plates in the shape of various cities. Attach to a strap of cheap leather, and voila! (note: Vesper costs extra.)
I'm sure there are many more innovations around the corner designed to make the rich look foolish, but this should get you started. Good luck, and save me a room in your castle!
Ask Stormhammer
by Stormhammer
Welcome to our advice column! Ask ol Stormy anything, and he'll give ya and answer, maybe not the want you want to hear though.
--The opinions of Stormhammer do not reflect the philosophy of Blind Man's Outlook--
Dear Stormhammer,
My parents have told me it's time to give them grandkids, can you offer some advice in what i should look for in a wife?
Wife-hunting in Trinsic
Dear Wife Hunter, Look for a woman that knows how to cook, clean, minds her manners and stays at home where she belongs! And oh yes, most importantly, a woman gifted generous womanly gifts, if ye knows what i means...need i say more?
Dear Stormhammer,
I'm in love with a lich. My friends tell me I'm not right about this, but I can't stop thinking of him! Those Kal Vas Flam of his just make me soooo hot! What do you think i should do about this?
Lich Lover in Wintermoor
Dear Lich Lover,
My dear, you should put that pipe down and quit smoking all that nightshade! Or perhaps living on that icy island has given your brain frostbite! Perhaps a vacation to a warmer climate would help, say Nujelm?
SKULL SMASH